We go throughout or lives believing that things we learned are the way things are going to possibly end up. We believed that we were going to grow up meet our prince charming, have children, have a great family, and careers we would enjoy. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. My life has seemed no where close to my fantasy of wanting it to go. I do have an amazing son, named Brice, and I had an amazingly beautiful daughter named, Madelynn.  As far as a wonderful family of my own, and the possibility of conceiving another child, and the career thats been a very rocky & bumpy road for me. Much of which as been my own fault as well. I wish with all of my heart things will start looking better, I do believe we all deserve to be happy in our lives, and that means all of us. Especially the ones closest to us. I remember back when we first met, he couldn't keep his eyes off of me, and couldn't stand to not be by my side, to have a feeling like that is incredible. His dad would poke fun and pick on him for calling me "love" all the time and after every response to me (very cute) . His mom would be like "oh you two disgust me, so lovey dovey".  I loved it, though through out time sometimes things really do seem to change, or like people say "the new has worn off".  He is absolutely an amazing person, and even he doesn't see that part of him, he's going through recovery from addiction and alcohol currently and going to go see a doctor soon for an assessment. I know that's off the subject line, but he is doing such an outstanding job, though still suffering through this. I too, am trying to be as understanding as I possibly can, but I don't believe he is seeing that. Things have been very hard here lately for both of us, a very I should say cautious ride. I want every thing to work out for the better, I really do. I care so much about him, and he needs whatever it takes to help him to recover whether that means with or without me, I can not stand in the way, if we are having too many troubles. Most of which only involve one issue only and that is trust.  This story too, will be continued.