We go throughout or lives believing that things we learned are the way things are going to possibly end up. We believed that we were going to grow up meet our prince charming, have children, have a great family, and careers we would enjoy. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. My life has seemed no where close to my fantasy of wanting it to go. I do have an amazing son, named Brice, and I had an amazingly beautiful daughter named, Madelynn.  As far as a wonderful family of my own, and the possibility of conceiving another child, and the career thats been a very rocky & bumpy road for me. Much of which as been my own fault as well. I wish with all of my heart things will start looking better, I do believe we all deserve to be happy in our lives, and that means all of us. Especially the ones closest to us. I remember back when we first met, he couldn't keep his eyes off of me, and couldn't stand to not be by my side, to have a feeling like that is incredible. His dad would poke fun and pick on him for calling me "love" all the time and after every response to me (very cute) . His mom would be like "oh you two disgust me, so lovey dovey".  I loved it, though through out time sometimes things really do seem to change, or like people say "the new has worn off".  He is absolutely an amazing person, and even he doesn't see that part of him, he's going through recovery from addiction and alcohol currently and going to go see a doctor soon for an assessment. I know that's off the subject line, but he is doing such an outstanding job, though still suffering through this. I too, am trying to be as understanding as I possibly can, but I don't believe he is seeing that. Things have been very hard here lately for both of us, a very I should say cautious ride. I want every thing to work out for the better, I really do. I care so much about him, and he needs whatever it takes to help him to recover whether that means with or without me, I can not stand in the way, if we are having too many troubles. Most of which only involve one issue only and that is trust.  This story too, will be continued. 

Where did the trust issue start? 

I am not, still, as of today, even quite certain as to why I seem to live by the "Trust No One" quote, I guess you can say, but that is how I have been for quite sometime now. There are so many things that could have lead up to having me feel this way. Maybe even by lack of trust in myself. We go through life wondering whom really cares about us, whom really loves us, and of course whom can we really trust. Things we do in life can also give us reason to not trust ourselves nor those around us, either way. For the most part I really do believe that most of us, really are good people inside, and we all have a conscience. It's rather we choose to do right or wrong, is what causes you, or myself to have lack of trust in another person. The thing is, is that even those whom are closest to you can be the ones you think you trust, though turning out to be those you trust the least. I find myself, from time to time thinking of how this may have happened, I can tell at times I can be fairly vulnerable, and normally that is a sign you trust easily, though not in my case. I know I have hurt many people in my live, but I too have been hurt numerous times as well. You think you can be the best person you can be at times, though if you sit back and do some thinking of your own faults & defects you begin to realize many things may have started out with your own issues. 

When I was a child: